I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
All I want is dick and wine.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
