its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
