what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
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