If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
cat food counts as protein by the way
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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