She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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