I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
