Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
