This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
