my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
