At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
