My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Randomize
