I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
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