can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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