i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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