"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
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