Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Randomize
