but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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