Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
