Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
