Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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