It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
