worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
