Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
