Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
