i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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