hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
