he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
