I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
