Someone shit on the floor
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
