it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
