dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize