walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
