She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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