....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
