i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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