Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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