He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
