Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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