Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
