we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize