there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
it was like eating out sand paper
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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