i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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