how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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