i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
