I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
