...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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