hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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