She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Randomize
