My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Sorry about my life...
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
