you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
