Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
