Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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