And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
