Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
