Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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