Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
