K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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