hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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