I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
did i walk over a car last night?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'm too high and old for this...
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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