Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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