At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
