dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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