Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
