Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
