Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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