I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
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